RE: An Ideal World

I've made a huge mistake.

I think that I gave the wrong impression with my last post. I just needed some way to express my frustrations and worries and desires (I had a smoothie for lunch, by the way,) and I thought my blog would be a good outlet for that. 

I've had a lot of significant changes in my life over the past year. Health related issues, an out-of-my-comfort-zone move to D.C., graduating from college, and several other changes. I've mentioned some of these things in my blog posts before, but I don't always talk about the fears and worries that I have regarding these topics. I put on my brave girl face and keep those fears and worries out of the public eye. 

But I don't want to do that anymore. I was talking to my friend about this topic, and she told me to watch this video about vulnerability:

I want to get to the point where I can be okay with my own vulnerabilities. And that's what I was trying to do with my last post. I have some serious concerns and worries sometimes that other people my age don't even really think about. (For example, how many 22 year olds in your life throw around the words "thyroglobulin" and "papillary carcinoma" and discuss their Synthroid level like it's some badge of honor.) But I'm also so happy! I'm alive, I'm healthy and strong (for the most part,) I have the greatest family and friends anyone could ask for, and I get to spend all day in my pajamas looking at recipes on Pinterest. Life is beautiful, but every rose has its thorn. 

By the way, I accepted my ideal job offer yesterday with a great company out here in Utah. Thank you for all your prayers, positive thoughts, and good vibes on my behalf. 

An Ideal World

I've had a lot on my mind recently: 

• I just graduated from college, which is terrifying.
• I'm unemployed, which is probably why being a graduate seems so terrifying.
• It's been about a year since my cancer diagnosis.
• It's going to be another five months before I find out if I need another round of radiation treatment or if I just need to keep waiting it out.
• Unemployment is fun for a couple of weeks, but it gets tiring.
• I've been living out of a suitcase for the last month, because I don't have my own residence yet, because I don't have a job. 
• What am I going to eat for lunch?
• How am I going to get to Arizona for my sister's wedding next month? (I'm contemplating walking. It's not that far from Provo to Mesa, right?)
• Why does it seem like some people have everything going for them? They're attractive and smart, they take amazing (read: expensive) vacations, they get good jobs without even trying, and whatever else perfect people have. 
• I'm broke. 

There's lots of other worries and nonsense floating around in my brain, but if I continue, I'm just going to get bitter or emotional or angry or something. So, for now, I'm just going to focus on the most immediate problem on that list: lunch.