Sacrifice

I’ve recently been thinking a lot about sacrifice. Not the ritualistic kind, but the giving up something kind. My parents have always been a great example of this to me. Not only do they give up so much for my sisters and me, but they’ve always taught us how important sacrifice is. From a very young age, I remember asking my mom and dad for random things at the store, and they wouldn’t tell me that I couldn’t have it, but they would ask me if I was willing to spend my own money on the item. This simple act taught me so much: patience, financial reasoning, self-sufficiency, etc. But most importantly, it taught me sacrifice. To this day, before I make almost any purchase, I think “Do I really want to spend my money on this, or can I use my resources in a better way?”  

Now, I’ve been really blessed in my life; I’ve never had to give up anything significant. As I get older though, I find myself making bigger sacrifices than “should I buy this Barbie or save my money to get something even better?” It’s more like “should I live in this tiny house with complete strangers so I can actually put money into savings every month or should I live where I want all by myself but have no extra money?” That seemed like a moderately inconsequential decision at the time, but I’m very grateful that I chose the first option, as I have had some major expenses recently that I did not anticipate. And I know that, as I progress through this crazy life, I will probably have to make even more significant sacrifices.

I’m grateful for the foundation that my parents laid when I was young, because I’ve learned (sometimes the hard way) that I can’t have everything I want. I’m also very grateful for the Savior, who is the ultimate example of sacrifice. Without their examples, I would not have the perspective that I have now, that it’s okay to not have everything. It’s okay to struggle, to have to make sacrifices. It's just one of those life experiences that somehow refines and strengthens me and helps me become more like the Savior. And what could possibly be better than that?

RE: An Ideal World

I've made a huge mistake.

I think that I gave the wrong impression with my last post. I just needed some way to express my frustrations and worries and desires (I had a smoothie for lunch, by the way,) and I thought my blog would be a good outlet for that. 

I've had a lot of significant changes in my life over the past year. Health related issues, an out-of-my-comfort-zone move to D.C., graduating from college, and several other changes. I've mentioned some of these things in my blog posts before, but I don't always talk about the fears and worries that I have regarding these topics. I put on my brave girl face and keep those fears and worries out of the public eye. 

But I don't want to do that anymore. I was talking to my friend about this topic, and she told me to watch this video about vulnerability:

I want to get to the point where I can be okay with my own vulnerabilities. And that's what I was trying to do with my last post. I have some serious concerns and worries sometimes that other people my age don't even really think about. (For example, how many 22 year olds in your life throw around the words "thyroglobulin" and "papillary carcinoma" and discuss their Synthroid level like it's some badge of honor.) But I'm also so happy! I'm alive, I'm healthy and strong (for the most part,) I have the greatest family and friends anyone could ask for, and I get to spend all day in my pajamas looking at recipes on Pinterest. Life is beautiful, but every rose has its thorn. 

By the way, I accepted my ideal job offer yesterday with a great company out here in Utah. Thank you for all your prayers, positive thoughts, and good vibes on my behalf. 

An Ideal World

I've had a lot on my mind recently: 

• I just graduated from college, which is terrifying.
• I'm unemployed, which is probably why being a graduate seems so terrifying.
• It's been about a year since my cancer diagnosis.
• It's going to be another five months before I find out if I need another round of radiation treatment or if I just need to keep waiting it out.
• Unemployment is fun for a couple of weeks, but it gets tiring.
• I've been living out of a suitcase for the last month, because I don't have my own residence yet, because I don't have a job. 
• What am I going to eat for lunch?
• How am I going to get to Arizona for my sister's wedding next month? (I'm contemplating walking. It's not that far from Provo to Mesa, right?)
• Why does it seem like some people have everything going for them? They're attractive and smart, they take amazing (read: expensive) vacations, they get good jobs without even trying, and whatever else perfect people have. 
• I'm broke. 

There's lots of other worries and nonsense floating around in my brain, but if I continue, I'm just going to get bitter or emotional or angry or something. So, for now, I'm just going to focus on the most immediate problem on that list: lunch.

Dear Friends

I've made no effort to maintain this blog during my time here in Washington. It's just not super high on my priority list to keep up with two blogs, both about my personal life. So if you want to know about my goings-on, check out my DC blog:

dcadventuretime.wordpress.com

Well That Went Fast

I've been keeping a blog this semester for my Humanities of Latin America class. We have to post every week about something that we've read or watched or looked at that week. It was a great experience to write in an academic voice on a blog, something that I'm definitely not used to. If you're interested in Latin America or my thoughts or my thoughts about Latin America (or if you're really just that bored,) you can check it out here. Shameless self-promotions aside, I just wanted to excuse myself for not keeping up to date about my life. It's just that something has been different this semester than the previous three years I've been at BYU: I've had a life. I actually go out with people and we do stuff. So that's what I've been doing instead of updating my blog about a non-existing life. I've actually been living. It's pretty fun, and it's a shame I didn't discover it sooner. There's so much that I wish I had done while living in Provo that I just won't have the opportunity to do anymore. I know you're saying, "But don't you still have another semester before you graduate?" Technically my friends, yes, yes I do. But I'm doing an internship in Washington, D.C. from January through April, so I essentially only have two weeks left in Utah. (My internship is with the U.S. Capitol Historical Society and I'm really excited to start!) Life is getting kind of scary because I'm starting to make real decisions that will significantly affect my future. It's exciting and wonderful and terrifying. But for now, before I really have to make any of these decisions, I'm just going to enjoy the people I'm with. Because to me, that's what matters most.

Change is Good, Right?

So, although I don't mind sharing some details of my life on this blog, I'm hesitant to become overly personal. For this reason, it's been difficult to think of something to write about over the last few months. But today I feel so grateful for the series of events that's happened that I just can't keep it to myself. So, around my twenty-first birthday, I decided I needed to serve a mission for my church. In order to serve, there is an application process, and part of this process is a physical exam because missions are physically demanding. Although I was somewhat concerned about this physical (you may recall that this was around the same time I had mono,) I went into it with relative optimism. I came out of the exam not with the approval to serve as I had hoped, but with an urging to seek further medical attention. So, that afternoon, I made a tear-filled and anxious journey back home with my mom. From April to August, I spent some quality time at the hospital, multiple doctors' offices, and recovering at home. (Like I said, I'm hesitant to share too many details, so if you're curious about the health problem I'm unwilling to name, just ask.) With this medical condition, I became ineligible to serve a mission, at least until my health stabilizes a bit. And that leads me to where I am now: in Provo, resuming my studies at Brigham Young University. I didn't want to return this semester nor was I really prepared to return. But here I am. And I'm already overwhelmed with school, finding good doctors out here, getting healthy, trying to find time for a social life, and possibly adding a job into the mix. But somehow I know that everything is going to be all right.

A Transparent Eyeball?

"Life only avails, not the having lived. Power ceases in the instant of repose; it resides in the moment of transition from a past to a new state... This one fact the world hates, that the soul becomes." -Ralph Waldo Emerson

I'm trying to live my life the best as I can. I'm making the most of every single day. Well, I'm working on making the most of every day. I'm trying to transition to a new state, like Emerson suggests. I want to be better tomorrow than I am today. I want to turn my weaknesses into strengths. I like who I am. A friend of mine recently told me that no-one should apologize for who they are. I agree with that, sort of. I know that I am who I am. But I also believe that I can and should change and get better so that I will one day be the best version of myself that I can be. I don't need to apologize for who I am, but I do need to realize that I can be a better me. Even if that just means smiling at someone in the store or holding the door open for someone or something else equally as small, I still feel like I become better, happier. And I suppose I just don't understand why someone would not want to be better and happier than they currently are. Life isn't perfect, folks. Anyone who tells you otherwise is selling something. It's messy and complicated and challenging. But that's okay. Life is a refining process. I'm grateful for the chances I have every day of my life to become better, stronger than I once was. Oh, the thinks you can think (when you really should be studying for finals.)

I know this post is long; forgive me. But it's just what I'm thinking about at the close of a very challenging but very strengthening semester. Life is good, my friends. Don't forget.

Recently...

1. I've made a lot of big decisions regarding my "Five Year Plan." I'll let you know more details as time goes on.
2. I cut off about a foot of hair and donated it to Locks of Love. For those of you who haven't seen me in a while and are thinking something along the lines of "Did she even have twelve inches to chop off?" the answer is yes, yes I did. I've been growing my hair out for a while, so now it goes to about the middle of my neck. It's pretty cute and fun, and the only thing I miss is being able to just pull it back into a ponytail when it's annoying me. But it was time for a change.
3. The semester is almost over! School has been okay to me, and my grades are mostly high, which is splendid. And I just got extensions for two research papers, so that's been a major burden lifted off my shoulders (for now.)
4. But the reason I got an extension (well, this reason only applies to one of the papers. The other one the teacher just wanted to give us more time...) is because I have mono! You know, that illness that I like to joke and tease people about. Well, karma sucks. And so does mono.

Something New

     Sometimes I want to be profound when I blog. I want people to read my posts and think to themselves, "Man, that girl has some really great things to say." Or something like "That was inspiring; I think I am going to make some changes in my life." But usually I just ramble until I get tired of seeing my own thoughts put into words or I remember that I have other tasks that need to be accomplished. So, true to form, that's exactly what I'm going to do.
     I am going through an interesting time of my life. I was figuring out which classes I should take for spring and summer terms, and I realized that, by taking classes all summer, I would be finished with classes after fall semester. I would simply be out of classes to take. (That's not exactly true; I could probably stay at BYU forever and just take a whole bunch of random classes until I get kicked out. I just mean that I would be done with my major/minor classes.) And that means that I would need to graduate in December. December 2012. A semester earlier than I've always planned. So far in my life, I haven't really had to make choices. It was already laid out for me that I would go to elementary school. Check! Then middle school. Check! Then high school. Check! Then college. Check? What comes after college? I am suddenly faced with the biggest decision I have ever had to make: What do I want to be now that I've grown up? I still have no idea, but if I figure it out, no... when I figure it out, I'll let you know.
     That's just the tip of the iceberg, folks. I've been put in a lot of situations recently that have made me happy, sad, confused, afraid, and hopeful. Sometimes simultaneously, even. I'm starting to realize that life doesn't always just flow naturally. I mean, in a way it does. Life goes on until... well, until it doesn't. But something one of my professors said really hit me hard: "We all have to make life happen." I am the one who decides what I want to do, who I want to surround myself with, and where I want to be going with my life. Although this is really hard for me, I am trying to take life one day at a time. So, here's to making life happen, even when it's difficult.

Time

So, here we are. It's the end of the year, and I haven't updated my blog since August. What could have possibly kept me from telling you about my life? Here's a brief list:

School: My classes were particularly overwhelming this semester. There were many difficult readings, papers, group projects, and tests that sapped a lot of time and energy from my life. I wish I could say that all of my hard work earned me good grades, but, unfortunately, that isn't exactly the case. Maybe next semester will be more kind to my GPA.

Work: I planned to be a Humanities TA, but a few days before classes began, I was informed that I was wrongly hired; it was back to the drawing board. I applied to numerous jobs on campus, but I was denied employment across the board. So I did something that I really did not want to do: I asked my former manager if I could resume my job as a custodian. He graciously allowed me to return, and although not ideal, having a job-any job- was a blessing in my life.

Life: I know that this is a really broad category, but I wanted it to be all-encompassing for the rest of life's adventures. I spent a lot of time with my roommates, I rediscovered my domestic tendencies by creating various home decor for my adorable little house, and I guess I just did normal, day-to-day kind of stuff.

Overall, I'm happy, healthy, and I have a lot of great people in my life. What more could a girl possibly ask for?

[Creative Title]

I'm back in Provo. After a nice summer at home, Caitlin and I made the drive to Utah. It was great having her with me on the drive whenever I got nervous or sad (or when I just couldn't drive for another minute), and it was also great to have her here with me to help me settle in at my new house. I was definitely sad when she had to fly back to Omaha. I even cried a little. Or a lot. Anyway, life in Provo is different than it's been before. Once Caitlin left, I didn't have any family in Utah at all. I didn't realize how much of a difference that actually makes, but it really does make a huge difference. And it's sometimes overwhelming. Especially today for some reason. Maybe part of the reason is that I just found out that I was mis-hired for a job. So, I applied for a TA position in July or something because the Humanities department was short on TAs. I thought that this would be a perfect fit. I was offered a job and I thought everything was going to be great. (Kind of. The position was only 10 hours a week, not paying me enough to even pay for rent. But I figured I would just get a second job or something.) After being under the impression that I was going to be a TA this semester (read: telling everyone I know that I'm going to be a TA,) it came as a shock to me when I found out this morning that I'm not actually going to be a TA. I don't know why it happened (and why they didn't catch the error sooner) but I'm disappointed. So my job hunt continues. I've already applied for a museum position (which would be awesomely fun) and I also have an application out for a job in a Family History computer lab. (I would be teaching lessons about family history research.) So we will wait and see what will happen. Hopefully something good.

Has It Really Been That Long?

Why yes, yes it has. I guess I probably have some updates to share. For example, school is done. I finished my last final on Thursday, and I have just been hanging around Provo since then. I got to see my roommate graduate. This next part is just for Hayley: I did a fist pump when they called your name and when you were on the stage getting your diploma cover. I forgot to tell you, but I wanted you to know. Anyway, I had my last day (night) of work on Friday. It was much harder to say goodbye than I thought it would be. Let me remind you about my job. It was 9pm-1am, Monday through Friday. I got to clean for 20 hours a week. In the (almost) middle of the night. When I just put it like that, though, it sounds absolutely awful. I had 14 credit hours this semester (not too bad, but a decent amount of work) which means that I was in class all day and then I tried to fit in homework and naps between my last class and work, but that didn't happen as often as I would have liked. (Neither the homework or the napping, that is.) So it was hard to balance everything. That also makes it sound bad. But my job was awesome. I made some really good friends (some better than others) and I had an awesome boss. I feel like I am going to get all sentimental if I continue, so this will be the last thing I say about my job. It was weird, boring, physically draining, and sometimes disgusting. But it was cool. So, what else is new? I'm going home to Omaha for the summer. I'm nervous to see how everything works out, but I think it will be good. I'm looking forward to seeing old friends that I haven't seen in a while, and I'm definitely looking forward to seeing my family. Also, I'm seriously excited to not have school to worry about. My original plan was to stay in Provo for the summer and work and take classes. But I just had the feeling that that was the wrong choice. So, tomorrow I am heading east and I'm really excited (and nervous, stressed, and every other emotion that comes with flying across the country alone.) Anyway, I'm just rambling at this point. (But isn't that what a blog like this is for? Hmm.) Well, cheers everyone! To my Utah friends: have a good summer and try not to miss me too much. To my Omaha friends: See you all soon. :)

Too School for Cool

I have about twenty minutes until my next class, and that's obviously not enough time to do any homework anyway, so blog update! Plus, I can do my homework at home, but I can't blog at home. (Annoying story: My laptop+the ethernet in my apartment= shutting down and restarting said laptop at least five times a day.) I don't have that much to say, but I'm going to talk anyway. I don't think you'd expect anything different. Let's take a little trip back in time, shall we?

Thanksgiving 2009
Thanksgiving was crazy awesome. I got to spend time with two wonderful families, I ate great food, I thoroughly enjoyed myself. It was great. As a matter of fact, you can read about it here. Now let's come back to the present.

Thanksgiving 2010
It was weird. I didn't go home. I didn't go to other families' Thanksgiving meals. I just stayed in my apartment. Like I said, it was weird. But I enjoyed it. I watched a lot of movies, I ate some delicious food (mostly from boxes,) and I had a great time by myself. I don't know if I'll want to do it that way next year, but it definitely worked for me this year.

Anyway, I'm glad that semester is almost over. It hasn't been that bad, to be honest, but I'm still glad that it's drawing to a close. I'm just tired and ready for a long break. That's all.


My life is boring. But I'm happy.

Well, Well, Well

Dear World,

I'm really sorry that I don't ever have time to blog and that when I do, all I can think of is boring stuff. Once a week or so, I think of something to blog about, but I always manage to forget what I wanted to say. So it goes. I think I will just update you about my life. I'm back in Provo. School is severely kicking my trash, but it's usually interesting and fun. I suppose that makes it worth it. I found a job. I do custodial for a building on campus from 9 to 1. That's 9 pm- 1 am. And that reminds me of a Margaret Atwood poem.

you fit into me

you fit into me
like a hook into an eye

a fish hook
an open eye

So the job is tiring, but I'm starting to adjust to being nocturnal. And I get paid, so it's not all bad. As far as a social life goes, I don't have one. At least, not much of one. But I'll survive. If I don't, then it doesn't really matter anyway.

My life is so boring. Maybe I'll do something fun this week. Like go on a date. Wouldn't that be fun and entirely unexpected. Anyway, since I don't actually have anything to say, I'm going to stop talking. ...Blogging, I  mean.

Love,
Emily

P.S. I still like my life and think it's pretty awesome. It's more dull than watching termites follow an ink line (which is actually slightly fascinating,) but it's still better than what I'm sure it could be. Anyway, that's all.

It's Time.

It's not quite ten o'clock yet, but I'm unbelievably tired. The bad news: I can't go to bed for probably another two hours. The good news: I think that I can sleep in on Saturday. At least, that's the plan. You'd think that after three months of not blogging I would have something interesting to say. But I don't. At least not right now. That's probably because I'm so tired. My dog just did the exact thing that I feel like doing right now; she was laying on her tummy and then she just flopped over to her side. I wish that I could sleep anytime that I wanted. Or maybe I don't; I probably wouldn't get a single thing done ever. And I'd probably lose all of my friends. That wouldn't be good at all. Anyway, like I said, I don't have anything to say.

I was going to insert a picture of Y Mountain, because I'm going to be seeing it soon. And I'm looking forward to that. But I'm also nervous.

Goodnight world.

Or whoever reads my blog.

Beauty

I don't want to spend a lot of time blogging; I should be doing various other things. However, I just wanted to share a brief thought with you. Here's the thing, I don't know why there are so many different types and colors and shapes and sizes of flowers. But I do know that I am grateful for the beauty that they bring to this world. I'm grateful for a loving Heavenly Father who not only created necessities in life, but who created magnificent sights for our eyes to behold. I have a lot more that I could say about this and about the things I'm grateful for, but I think I'll leave it at that for now. Also, my mom bought me a plant tonight (yay for moms) and I picked out Dahlias. I have heard of them, but I never really noticed them before. They just might be my new favorite flower. I couldn't get any decent pictures of the actual plant that I have, so I just found a professional photograph from the interwebs.

Beautiful, eh? Mine is about the same color. :)

P.S. I miss the mountains.

Who Am I To Be Blind?

Dear Friends,
I just wanted you to know about how excited I am for General Conference this weekend. I'm way excited. I never have really put any effort into General Conference because I was always disinterested, so this is basically the first time that I've actually been looking forward to Conference. But I've come to realize that servants of the Lord are going to be speaking to me about the things that I need to know and many important topics. That's pretty significant, I would say. With that perspective, I look forward to a wonderful, counsel-filled weekend.
Love,
Emily

P.S. It's freaking me out that the semester is almost over. It seems like I just graduated from high school, but it's been almost a year. Weird.

Don't worry, I'm Still Alive

I should have known that I wouldn't be the most consistent blogger. At least I'm trying, right? Well, life is good. (Big surprise, right?) But really, it's good. Lots of unexpected things have happened in the past couple of months (has it really been that long since the last time I blogged?! Si, Senorita.) but I think that everything has been for my own learning and progression. Such is life. I don't really have anything spectacular to blog about. I just remembered that I have a blog and that I should probably write something on it every now and then, even if I'm the only one that ends up reading it. Anyway, just so you know, whoever you are, I'm not dating anyone. I did go on one date last month that was so much fun and so wonderful, but that went nowhere very, very quickly. Anyway, I digress. My point is that I, Emily Sheley, was able to get through two semesters of college without getting engaged. This was a goal of mine; mission accomplished. :) I'm mostly joking. It wasn't an actual goal. However, I'm quite aware that I'm about 75-80% not ready to be married. I still have some growing up and some self-discovery business that I need to take care of. I'm not sure why I mentioned this... Perhaps because I'm trying to think of unexpected things that have happened to me. My sister/roommates threw a surprise birthday party for me. That was definitely unexpected but definitely welcomed. It was a pretty low-key event, but it was a fabulous way to celebrate my first birthday away from home. Well, I'm starting to get tired and I'm sure there's an assignment that I should probably be doing for tomorrow, so I'm going to leave you with my more random than usual thoughts.

The End.

Love,

Emily

I put this on my Facebook too, but I think that this is a good note to include on a blog too. (Especially since it's been a month since I've updated my blog.) Enjoy:

So, I was going to make another status update about how awesome my life is, but then I decided that there's too much greatness to fit in one measly sentence. Long story short, I could not have asked for a better Christmas break. First of all, I got to spend a lot of quality time with my family. Even though we were kind of forced to spend time together at times (because of silly snow,) I don't think I would have wanted it any other way. Secondly, I was able to spend time with a few of the neatest people in the world. Some of these events were planned and some of the events just happened. (I'm a firm believer that everything happens for a reason, by the way.) Both the unplanned and the planned made my life that much more enjoyable. Thirdly, and this does deserve its own number, I was able to see two very dear friends and their lovable children tonight. These two friends are very special to me even though it's probably an unlikely friendship; they are the parents of the children that I babysat throughout high school. They have influenced my life more than they probably will ever know. Anyway, before I get too sentimental, I'll just say that it was very nice to see them and their kids. Fourthly, (is that even a word?) I tried sushi! And even crazier, I liked it! Now, as my family will attest, I am a picky eater, so this is pretty incredible for me. I probably won't be eating sushi all the time, but it was a very nice treat. (Thanks DeVries!) Fifthly, (I didn't get the red squiggly line under fourthly or fifthly, so I think they're legit words) I have a fabulous family. Seriously, they're the best. I won't get too sentimental for this section either, but I love my family so much. I'm also going to add that my friends are great. I don't know why they've put up with me for so long, but I'm glad they have. I could go on forever and ever about this stuff, but I won't. I just want everyone (who is willing to read this) to know that I love life. It's not easy. It's not meant to be easy. Thus, I left out all of the unpleasant stuff that has been happening in my life. That was very intentional. I didn't leave it out so people will think my life is perfect or that I'm perfect or that wonderful things always happen to me. But I know that life is beautiful, even when bad things happen (and they will happen.) I'm starting to understand that there is a bigger picture that I've never noticed before. I'm only eighteen, so I obviously don't understand it completely yet, but I have a much different perspective than I did just a year ago. Anyway, that was more tangential than I had originally intended, but these are just some things that have been floating around my brain...

Love,

Emily

Happy Thanksgivin'

Today was my first Thanksgiving that I wasn't with my parents. I was becoming so excited about my plans that I didn't really get a grasp on that concept. Let me explain my schedule for this break, and then you might understand. I'm going to skip over the little details, or this post will get so bogged down and no-one will even want to read it. So break started yesterday, and Sarah, Hayley (a roommate,) and I went to Orem. Then we accidentally went to Alpine, and then we went back to Orem. Later, Sarah and I went to Ikea in Draper, and then we headed to Bountiful to go to the Maher's house. (Robin Maher is a former roommate of Sarah's, and her family lives in Bountiful. So, we were invited to stay with them for break!) Then this morning, Sarah drove me to Murray to go to the house of some friends that used to live in Omaha. Then I rode with them to Orem to have dinner with their family. After that, we drove back to Murray, Sarah came and picked me up, and then Sarah and I drove back to Bountiful. So I've spent a lot of Thanksgiving on the road. So that's the basics of what I've been doing. Anyway, I've been having so much fun. It was so neat to spend time with people I haven't seen for a long time and some people I've never even met before. It's been very strange not to have my parents around, but I'm so glad that I've had such great substitutes. (Though no-one can fill my parents shoes, cause they're awesome!) I've felt so welcome everywhere I've been, and it's just been great. So, because everyone has to be cliché on Thanksgiving, I'm going to say that I'm grateful for my parents and my family (including the "extended" family that I've spent time with recently.) The end.