A Transparent Eyeball?

"Life only avails, not the having lived. Power ceases in the instant of repose; it resides in the moment of transition from a past to a new state... This one fact the world hates, that the soul becomes." -Ralph Waldo Emerson

I'm trying to live my life the best as I can. I'm making the most of every single day. Well, I'm working on making the most of every day. I'm trying to transition to a new state, like Emerson suggests. I want to be better tomorrow than I am today. I want to turn my weaknesses into strengths. I like who I am. A friend of mine recently told me that no-one should apologize for who they are. I agree with that, sort of. I know that I am who I am. But I also believe that I can and should change and get better so that I will one day be the best version of myself that I can be. I don't need to apologize for who I am, but I do need to realize that I can be a better me. Even if that just means smiling at someone in the store or holding the door open for someone or something else equally as small, I still feel like I become better, happier. And I suppose I just don't understand why someone would not want to be better and happier than they currently are. Life isn't perfect, folks. Anyone who tells you otherwise is selling something. It's messy and complicated and challenging. But that's okay. Life is a refining process. I'm grateful for the chances I have every day of my life to become better, stronger than I once was. Oh, the thinks you can think (when you really should be studying for finals.)

I know this post is long; forgive me. But it's just what I'm thinking about at the close of a very challenging but very strengthening semester. Life is good, my friends. Don't forget.

Recently...

1. I've made a lot of big decisions regarding my "Five Year Plan." I'll let you know more details as time goes on.
2. I cut off about a foot of hair and donated it to Locks of Love. For those of you who haven't seen me in a while and are thinking something along the lines of "Did she even have twelve inches to chop off?" the answer is yes, yes I did. I've been growing my hair out for a while, so now it goes to about the middle of my neck. It's pretty cute and fun, and the only thing I miss is being able to just pull it back into a ponytail when it's annoying me. But it was time for a change.
3. The semester is almost over! School has been okay to me, and my grades are mostly high, which is splendid. And I just got extensions for two research papers, so that's been a major burden lifted off my shoulders (for now.)
4. But the reason I got an extension (well, this reason only applies to one of the papers. The other one the teacher just wanted to give us more time...) is because I have mono! You know, that illness that I like to joke and tease people about. Well, karma sucks. And so does mono.

Something New

     Sometimes I want to be profound when I blog. I want people to read my posts and think to themselves, "Man, that girl has some really great things to say." Or something like "That was inspiring; I think I am going to make some changes in my life." But usually I just ramble until I get tired of seeing my own thoughts put into words or I remember that I have other tasks that need to be accomplished. So, true to form, that's exactly what I'm going to do.
     I am going through an interesting time of my life. I was figuring out which classes I should take for spring and summer terms, and I realized that, by taking classes all summer, I would be finished with classes after fall semester. I would simply be out of classes to take. (That's not exactly true; I could probably stay at BYU forever and just take a whole bunch of random classes until I get kicked out. I just mean that I would be done with my major/minor classes.) And that means that I would need to graduate in December. December 2012. A semester earlier than I've always planned. So far in my life, I haven't really had to make choices. It was already laid out for me that I would go to elementary school. Check! Then middle school. Check! Then high school. Check! Then college. Check? What comes after college? I am suddenly faced with the biggest decision I have ever had to make: What do I want to be now that I've grown up? I still have no idea, but if I figure it out, no... when I figure it out, I'll let you know.
     That's just the tip of the iceberg, folks. I've been put in a lot of situations recently that have made me happy, sad, confused, afraid, and hopeful. Sometimes simultaneously, even. I'm starting to realize that life doesn't always just flow naturally. I mean, in a way it does. Life goes on until... well, until it doesn't. But something one of my professors said really hit me hard: "We all have to make life happen." I am the one who decides what I want to do, who I want to surround myself with, and where I want to be going with my life. Although this is really hard for me, I am trying to take life one day at a time. So, here's to making life happen, even when it's difficult.

Time

So, here we are. It's the end of the year, and I haven't updated my blog since August. What could have possibly kept me from telling you about my life? Here's a brief list:

School: My classes were particularly overwhelming this semester. There were many difficult readings, papers, group projects, and tests that sapped a lot of time and energy from my life. I wish I could say that all of my hard work earned me good grades, but, unfortunately, that isn't exactly the case. Maybe next semester will be more kind to my GPA.

Work: I planned to be a Humanities TA, but a few days before classes began, I was informed that I was wrongly hired; it was back to the drawing board. I applied to numerous jobs on campus, but I was denied employment across the board. So I did something that I really did not want to do: I asked my former manager if I could resume my job as a custodian. He graciously allowed me to return, and although not ideal, having a job-any job- was a blessing in my life.

Life: I know that this is a really broad category, but I wanted it to be all-encompassing for the rest of life's adventures. I spent a lot of time with my roommates, I rediscovered my domestic tendencies by creating various home decor for my adorable little house, and I guess I just did normal, day-to-day kind of stuff.

Overall, I'm happy, healthy, and I have a lot of great people in my life. What more could a girl possibly ask for?

[Creative Title]

I'm back in Provo. After a nice summer at home, Caitlin and I made the drive to Utah. It was great having her with me on the drive whenever I got nervous or sad (or when I just couldn't drive for another minute), and it was also great to have her here with me to help me settle in at my new house. I was definitely sad when she had to fly back to Omaha. I even cried a little. Or a lot. Anyway, life in Provo is different than it's been before. Once Caitlin left, I didn't have any family in Utah at all. I didn't realize how much of a difference that actually makes, but it really does make a huge difference. And it's sometimes overwhelming. Especially today for some reason. Maybe part of the reason is that I just found out that I was mis-hired for a job. So, I applied for a TA position in July or something because the Humanities department was short on TAs. I thought that this would be a perfect fit. I was offered a job and I thought everything was going to be great. (Kind of. The position was only 10 hours a week, not paying me enough to even pay for rent. But I figured I would just get a second job or something.) After being under the impression that I was going to be a TA this semester (read: telling everyone I know that I'm going to be a TA,) it came as a shock to me when I found out this morning that I'm not actually going to be a TA. I don't know why it happened (and why they didn't catch the error sooner) but I'm disappointed. So my job hunt continues. I've already applied for a museum position (which would be awesomely fun) and I also have an application out for a job in a Family History computer lab. (I would be teaching lessons about family history research.) So we will wait and see what will happen. Hopefully something good.

Has It Really Been That Long?

Why yes, yes it has. I guess I probably have some updates to share. For example, school is done. I finished my last final on Thursday, and I have just been hanging around Provo since then. I got to see my roommate graduate. This next part is just for Hayley: I did a fist pump when they called your name and when you were on the stage getting your diploma cover. I forgot to tell you, but I wanted you to know. Anyway, I had my last day (night) of work on Friday. It was much harder to say goodbye than I thought it would be. Let me remind you about my job. It was 9pm-1am, Monday through Friday. I got to clean for 20 hours a week. In the (almost) middle of the night. When I just put it like that, though, it sounds absolutely awful. I had 14 credit hours this semester (not too bad, but a decent amount of work) which means that I was in class all day and then I tried to fit in homework and naps between my last class and work, but that didn't happen as often as I would have liked. (Neither the homework or the napping, that is.) So it was hard to balance everything. That also makes it sound bad. But my job was awesome. I made some really good friends (some better than others) and I had an awesome boss. I feel like I am going to get all sentimental if I continue, so this will be the last thing I say about my job. It was weird, boring, physically draining, and sometimes disgusting. But it was cool. So, what else is new? I'm going home to Omaha for the summer. I'm nervous to see how everything works out, but I think it will be good. I'm looking forward to seeing old friends that I haven't seen in a while, and I'm definitely looking forward to seeing my family. Also, I'm seriously excited to not have school to worry about. My original plan was to stay in Provo for the summer and work and take classes. But I just had the feeling that that was the wrong choice. So, tomorrow I am heading east and I'm really excited (and nervous, stressed, and every other emotion that comes with flying across the country alone.) Anyway, I'm just rambling at this point. (But isn't that what a blog like this is for? Hmm.) Well, cheers everyone! To my Utah friends: have a good summer and try not to miss me too much. To my Omaha friends: See you all soon. :)

Too School for Cool

I have about twenty minutes until my next class, and that's obviously not enough time to do any homework anyway, so blog update! Plus, I can do my homework at home, but I can't blog at home. (Annoying story: My laptop+the ethernet in my apartment= shutting down and restarting said laptop at least five times a day.) I don't have that much to say, but I'm going to talk anyway. I don't think you'd expect anything different. Let's take a little trip back in time, shall we?

Thanksgiving 2009
Thanksgiving was crazy awesome. I got to spend time with two wonderful families, I ate great food, I thoroughly enjoyed myself. It was great. As a matter of fact, you can read about it here. Now let's come back to the present.

Thanksgiving 2010
It was weird. I didn't go home. I didn't go to other families' Thanksgiving meals. I just stayed in my apartment. Like I said, it was weird. But I enjoyed it. I watched a lot of movies, I ate some delicious food (mostly from boxes,) and I had a great time by myself. I don't know if I'll want to do it that way next year, but it definitely worked for me this year.

Anyway, I'm glad that semester is almost over. It hasn't been that bad, to be honest, but I'm still glad that it's drawing to a close. I'm just tired and ready for a long break. That's all.


My life is boring. But I'm happy.